What is This?

Q: Your teachings resinate. I fully understand who I am not. I feel all arisings are transient and they should not be taken so seriously. But there is still a lingering question of 'who am i'. what is the self or oneness that all the masters are abiding in?

A: You are like the fish in the ocean, searching for the ocean. The fish has heard many stories about the ocean, and the stories are magical, fascinating and deeply intriguing. You ask, "...what is the self or oneness that all the masters are abiding in?" It is the same self and oneness that you abide in. The only different is that you are living in a dream of your own creation, that has the self and oneness, as some separate and future experience. And so you strive and think and try and try to understand,and all the while the river flows to the ocean

Yes, and as you become more aware, you realize that all this, that you used to believe was you, is not you. And so the question then arises, "Who am I?" "Who am I really?" "Where am I?" "If I'm not the body and the mind, then what am I?" You are looking for something to be—some thing! You are looking for an entity that is ‘me'. First there is the creation of ‘me', and then this created ‘me' is searching for something that can be accepted as ‘me'. So you have an illusion searching for an illusion, and then to intensify the frustration, you believe that this nightmare is real. The impossibility of being able to wake up from this dream, is because of the belief, that if you wake up from this dream, you will die. And yes, the ‘you' that you believe that you are, will die. So this fear of death is very real, but based on a false assumption—that you are this entity called ‘me'. Having this entity called ‘me' trying to wake up, is like trying to pull yourself up by your bootstraps. You, cannot create the waking up, because you, are the source of the problem. The very belief that you exist as an entity, makes waking up impossible. Once you totally see that you are living in a dream and that you are a dream, then the dream is over.

And all these words, go into the mind, and either make sense or do not, and either way, nothing changes in you. So you go round and round. This is the wheel of Samsara. This is living in the mind. To get off the wheel, ‘you' have to cease to be. And as you keep looking for who you are, and keep understanding what you are not, and all self concepts fall away, then slowly there is less and less of ‘you', until there is only emptiness. And then, in this state of emptiness, there is only oneness. And nothing abides in nothing—this is the fullness, this is the light, this Enlightenment, this is the wonder, this is the miracle, this is the Buddha-field.~Umi